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Thoughts FromThe Four Gates

  • Writer's pictureKai

Why your love spells aren't working, and how to fix it.

As a professional reader and consultant, 90 percent of what I deal with is love work, specifically reconnection with ex romantic relationships. I see many people succeed sure, but I also see many people fail. There's usually one of a few common reasons that this happens. Spellwork isn't all powerful, and there are limits, and this is nowhere more evident than in this kind of thing.


Things to consider about your situation

First, lets look at the situation. It's probably practical here to think of magic as increasing the odds of something happening. That's a rough way to look at it, but a good way to assess the possibility of your spellwork succeeding. I know that we're all supposed to believe, and there's a time and place for that, but first, I think we should honestly assess our odds. Let's look at things that stretch the odds to the point that even your spellwork will struggle.


1. You're blocked or not in contact with your target.

I'm well aware that this seems like the exact time to turn to magic, and it is. What I need you all to recognize though is the fact that this DOES increase the chance of failure. Frankly, not only that, but it's harder to see early signs of movement, and thus harder to keep a good mindset. It's easy to panic here, in ways that don't help.

2. You've frightened the target, or gotten obsessive.

It's a very different game to Work on someone who is in fear for their safety. I get it, we all make mistakes in handling these things, and you still want them back. First off, understand that that might cross some lines with some spellworkers, and not everyone will help you. Second, it MUST be taken into consideration doing your Work, and if you're hiring out, they NEED to know.

3. Distance and other considerations

If you are looking at a longer distance relationship, this increases the odds of failure. This stuff requires a level of energy exchange between the 2 of you, which is harder to achieve in long distance stuff. No reason to not do it, but understand the ways that affects things.


Considerations of the spellwork itself.

Of course, if all spellwork was equal, this would be a lot easier. There's several things about the spellwork itself that might make things fail, or at least make them harder. Here's a few of the most common ones.


1. Not having an honest assessment of your situation.

In some ways, the entire section above was about that. If you're not considering the things that make your relationship and your target special or different, then the spellwork can struggle to fit to the situation at hand. Exactly what I'm getting at here varies of course, but things like any kind of kink dynamic or power exchange matters here, as do things like kids together, kids apart, other family things. Special notes here to a couple things. Poly or ethically non-monogamous relationships need to be approached in ways that aren't binding or possessive. Queer relationships aren't really that different, but sometimes the symbolisms that we use are gendered in ways that we don't always realize. Pay close attention to WHY we choose some symbols or ingredients, and choose ones that match your situation.


2. Improper symbolism

That kind of thing can happen in any number of situations. Once you've assessed properly, it doesn't do you any good if you're not doing anything about it. Love is one of the most common things that folks seek out magically, and so it's got a LOT of associations and symbols around it. They're not all created equal. This is where symbols and ingredients need to be more than just a list of "things that are good for love". I'll write more on this at some point, but the easiest way to think about this is if you consider each ingredient or symbol as having a personality. The deeper things here have a lot to do with HOW these things work. For example, magnets are great at love work for me because they attract someone, drawing them into you. They don't pair well though with more projective things. I wouldn't use magnets in a spell designed to implant thoughts of you, for example.


3. Too big of chunks

This is a big one. Many of the things that are more negative considerations about the situation itself are in themselves addressable, but trying to address them along side the other bits can lead to a big mountain to climb. If you know that the first step is communication, then start there. You can always take next steps later. Small steps at a time are easier to get done.


4. Not backing your Work

I get it,. You're in contact, but you need them to do the thing. The fact of it is, that everything you do magically NEEDS to be backed with practical mundane actions. You want to know the best spell for getting someone to talk to you? Call them, text them, talk to them. Yeah, timing the mundane is important, so the spell has the best effect, but if you're not willing to back the magic with SOME sort of action, then you'll likely go nowhere.


5. Flooding the situation

Another one that I see a lot is either taking a spell or something, and trying to crank it up to 11. If you're designing to do a candle once a week, this is doing the candle work once a day. You CAN give it too much, and then you'll break it. Likewise, getting several spells done doesn't help. In fact, I believe it can hurt your situation. Not only can this stuff be flooded and overpowered, but having several spells done, especially by several workers, can cause the spells to tangle in each other. There are times and places you want several slightly different things working together, and I refer folks to a great article on Gordon White's Rune Soup blog about this all the time, but it's the kind of thing that needs care, and not franticness.


How we fix this sort of thing


Most of these things are caused by the same thing. Desperation or franticness. There's a big difference between planning and executing a plan magically, and flailing around at your situation. Stay calm, and understand that this kind of thing can take some time.


  1. Make a solid plan before you start. Make sure you've got a plan for what your spell is going to be, what it's shaped like, and what your symbolism means. I'm not opposed to spirit work for this either, but understand that a spirit you've not built a relationship with is unlikely to help you just because you ask.

  2. Be willing to back your work with SOME sort of practical action. If you won't do anything, nothings gonna change.

  3. Don't do stupid! Part of the practical action here is what NOT to do. If you're gonna do stupid shit, then you know that isn't going to serve anything.

  4. Stay calm and collected. Yeah, absolutely harder to do than to say, but it's important to keep control of yourself.

  5. Don't overdo it. It's really that simple, you can flood it with too much.

  6. Be willing to admit when something isn't working, but be willing to put the right time in. Doesn't even mean you need to give up, but you shouldn't hang on to work that isn't doing anything. That said, I see folks not give things enough time, and I see folks hang on entirely too long to things. Give each spell more time, but understand that at some point, the last 5 things you did didn't work.


These are the things I see most often that screw up reconcilliation or love work. It's one of the most common things we seek, and it's also the thing that I think our emotions mess with way more than any other. This is doable as long as you keep your head about you.






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